Studio Construction, Day 56
For eight weeks we've been watching progress on the new studio I've spent years saving for (100% art dollars- THANK YOU, Buyers!!!) and dreaming of. Because we're awaiting the inside trim and a storage closet, and I need to seal the concrete floor, I can't move into this beautiful space. It is connected to the little studio I've used for many years, and for nearly two months I've watched the progress through the window by my easel. Taking out the window made it a glorious part of my space, and it also made my space part of a construction zone.
I set up my easel in the old studio yesterday, packed amid our stuff for the new space and my plethora of furnishings acquired in faith that I'd one day have a studio big enough to accommodate them. I'm used to painting in crowded conditions, but chaos in such close proximity to my vast dream space is not conducive to my creative fervor.
One might think I loath my old studio in comparison to the new, but this experience has made me appreciate that little space all the more. It was my refuge: a place to go at 2 am when I couldn't sleep, a place where clutter was expected (by me if not my husband), a place my own, where I could dream of new things and explore subjects in new colors. I witnessed little miracles, as prayer and paint turned hopeless beginnings to beautiful works. As much as I like to believe that all my greatest paintings lie ahead of me, I know that some of the best works I'll ever produce were created in that modest space, when I was a busy mom working two jobs, dreaming of the life I live now.
Part of me is afraid this new space will kill my creativity- that all the expectations I've put on myself will fizzle into mediocrity- or worse, a disconnect from my passion for painting. I fear that having this dream fulfilled will leave me no longer striving or dreaming. The Lord has blessed me beyond my expectations with my art; I'm afraid that trying to paint to my new expectations will leave me unsure or less imaginative or less dependent on His guidance in my work and my life.
Maybe this is that "artist's block" I hear tell of. I'm sure I’m just frustrated that it's not complete yet, that I'm crowded between a ladder and dresser and the dog bed trying to paint, ready for our kind contractors to walk in behind me at any time (they rarely do, since I can't paint there); the new space is a mirage right in front of me… unreachable again today.
It will get finished. I will sage it and say a prayer of thanks, stand at my tall, new easel, pick up a brush and feel that elation and excitement and connection to the "Great Creator" again. His words are on the studs, along with my favorite CM Russell quote and a prayer of gratitude and continued blessings on this dream-come-true. I never expected to appreciate my old studio again, but I do today- very much.